2009-03-28

As usual no major self-discovery, stunning insight or earth shattering news. Amazingly I have actually done some stuff this week.
/update format

-Monday went to class and afterwards hung out with some dudes from my Swedish class, two greeks, a brit, and a dude from Cali(fornia).

-We discussed the public urination habits of Swedes. Verdict: Whole different sense of shame here. Whole different.

-We did discuss other more positive things about being in Sweden, but I'd rather mention the embarrasing stuff. Cause it's more interesting to read. No?

-I've developed a very positive opinion of Greeks after meeting several through the Swedish class I'm taking. The ones I have talked to are all hilarious. Or quite smart. And usually a very entertaining combination thereof.

-Not such a good opinion of Russian mail order brides (*cough*egotistical*cough*).

-I've heard the Finnish dude in class is really funny to hang out with. I think he makes a lot of money and travels a lot as some sort of business man. Only thing I know about him is he really likes Metallica and Iron Maiden. Oh and, amazingly, he must have worse vision than me since he has these THICK-ASS glasses, thickest I ever saw. If he was short and wrinkly he would look exactly like Hans Moleman.

-Back to Greeks, they talked about Soccer hooliganism quite a bit. Apparently football clubs in some countries are like thinly veiled and very effective parapolitical entities, with the fans like borderline mercenary armies. Apparently full circumvention of the political and legal process becomes a routine excercise. Who knew? I guess people who pay attention to European soccer. For example: you own of a football club and need to tear down and rezone a few square miles of a city for that massive new mall project that will net you billions of Euros and don't want to bother with things like "property law" or "protected historic buildings" or "taxes". Just tell the 20,000 fans of your club that pesky thing called the "government" is going to put an end to the team if you can't build your mall and thus afford to keep Pele on the payroll (or something like that). Massive protests. Problem solved. I probably butchered the example (which was just one true story from their hometown), but you kinda get the idea. The funny part was they were fully aware of this phenomenon, hated the corruption of it, yet at the very end of the story Vangelos, with a murderous glint in his eye, was all "BUT I STILL LOVE THAT TEAM DAMMIT!" Fascinating.

-Thursday we went to this bar in Stockholm that had a bunch of pool tables to play billiards and have a farewell party for the dudes that are retiring (on my birthday). They gave us a lesson on how to play and then we had this short tournament as teams of 2. I basically ruined me and Peters chances to win everytime. After the tournament the dude that gave the lesson did some pool tricks. He asked us first if we wanted to see some tricks. It was really odd cause it was exaclty like the end of that Simpsons episode when Mark McGwire is like "Who wants to see me hit some dingers!" er whatever. Kind of odd. I dunno I guess the tricks guy was famous er something (probably only in Sweden) cause his picture was on the wall a lot.

-Anyway we drank and ate on the company dime (I hope, cause I never paid fer nuthin'). I can't believe how unaccustomed I've become to the affects of alcohol. The dudes that were gonna retire were pretty drunk when we (the Uppsala guys) left. Aparently the Sthlm dudes went to another bar after that. And the bar after THAT bar wouldn't let them in cause they were all too drunk. Then everyone was there the next day and seemed to be in much better shape than me. I guess I've become as big a pussy as I had feared.

-Funny story from the billiards place. These two women came that apparently used to work for the company and are BIG cougars, I guess, judging from the one story that everyone was sure to tell me before they showed up. One word: cucumber. Fill in the rest yourself. Cause this is a family blog. You sick goddamn perverted fuckstains.

-FORMULA 1 STARTS TOMORROW!!! I've been really pumped and scouring the internet reading about it for months. All I can say is I REALLY REALLY wish I would have had the money to bet on this season. There won't be another chance to make as much off the underdogs for a long, long time. My boy Vettel qualified 3rd. Brawn GP took the pole and 2nd. Merc.-McClaren was garbage and Ferrari not a lot better. I want to make sweet love to Barichello and the Brawn cars while Richard Branson films it.

-That humor (humour?) was oddly British. I've thought a lot about how easy it is to parody British humour. Easy as madlibs. Observe:

"I'd expect to hear that from a (English city)ite with a (piece of clothing, hairstyle, or fashion accessory). You look like (English D list celebrity) after (embarrassing activity)"

"Americans are fat"

Cue uproarious Brit laughter.
It works every time without fail and every British joke follows one of those two templates.

Will post more and some pictures later tonight.

BRANIFF
Believe it!