21 August 2009
07 August 2009
BITE ME
Yah I was gone for a while. You didn't notice nuthin' and you won't notice I'm back... So SHADDUPPAYOMOUTH-A.
This'll probly be long tho.
We are seriously poor after the trip to the US so we stayed home and watched TV tonight.
Background:
One of my favorite shows here are of the "Uncovered" British persuasion, "Ibiza Uncovered" especially. It's a reality show of drunken whatever-the-British-equivalent-of-white-trash-is tourists flashing their dicks and tits for an hour and basically fucking in the streets 'cause they are too drunk and horny to make it back to the hotel. And, yes, IT IS THE HOLY GRAIL OF REALITY TV.
P.S. the current name of the blog was inspired by an episode where two 40-something women ditched their husbands and 7 children for a week to go to Ibiza and try to find 18 year old boys drunk enough to "shag" them... And trust me, they succeeded. Anyway tonight we watched the heavily edited American equivalent like "Party Police" or some shit about drunken white trash at Lake Havasu in the US.
Observations that we made:
Young people in the US have such a messed up view of sexuality compared to the equivalent Brits. The Brits (boys AND girls) are totally realistic about it "Yeah I came here to screw a bunch of people, I'll make no bones about that. I'll probly only get lucky like three times this week but it won't be for lack of trying to score with EVERYONE." Like they all know exactly what is going on, no confusion. I'm sure there are plenty of Brits who don't want to only get drunk and fuck, but those are the boring ones so I don't care. Compare that to the Americans, who put on these ridiculous acts "Ohhh, I'm the good girl who likes to dance drrrty and flash ma tits all over, but I wouldn't mess with you (actually I'll mess with your dog if you give me one more beer)" and "Oh I'm the alpha male who likes to run my mouth and gets laid 8 times a day (except I've only seen a vagina once besides my moms and wouldn't know what to do with yours if you gave it to me on a silver platter)". No one actually comes out and says "I'm only here to get laid. Period." They all seem to have no idea what's going on or how to get what they want despite all wanting the same thing. It's like they are all playing some part in a terrible daytime UPN tween show where mentioning or showing anything even remotely resembling "the business" is strictly VERBOTEN.
There is one explanation for this: in the US party shows are heavily edited so the children don't learn how to act appropriately in drunken orgy style situations past what they have seen in wholly unrealistic Hollywood movies. In Britain the party shows are heavily unedited and the children understand early on that if they want to be drunken sluts for a couple years then just fuckin' do it and don't mess about or you'll blow yer chances. Plus you probly got about 68 more years to be all serious and lame and shit. Listen, this all made so much sense earlier that I could have written about 5 graduate theses on the subject. And that's not even touching on the (flaunted!) complete lawlessness of the British show and the authoritarian moralism of the American garbage (only two sets of tits, and both BLURRED). GOD I should just go back to school and be some pissant philosophy major. I could crank out about 6 degrees a year with this preternatural nogginizing! Masters, PHDs, whatev. They'd give up in about a year and just name the university after me.
END
Next topic:
The most recent episode of Top Gear:
Speaking of theses, if you've ever wanted to know how a battle of wits between Britain and the US would go, look no further than Jeremy Clarkson's conversation with Jay Leno. I'll give you a hint. Jay Leno: NOT. FUCKING. FUNNY... EVER. No matter how hard he tries. Jeremy Clarkson: doesn't try to be funny out of respect for Mr. Leno. STILL. FUCKING. FUNNY. There's so many research papers here I'm hyperventilating. And I haven't even mentioned Japan!!!!
C'mon! Overwrought? Sigh. Ok, maybe a little.
Top Gear.
If you don't agree that it is one of the best TV shows ever... I can understand your point of view. However, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND CAR CULTURE.
Bitch.
I urge you to educate yourself, because you are missing out. Look, one thing I realized in the US these past couple weeks; understanding lots of different cultures increases YO' PLEAZHA. Kinda like those ribbed condoms, or the dog-catchin' dad in "Friday" right? IT'S MAH PLEAZHA! Music, film, cars, video games, literature, anime... Those are just the obvious ones... Tibetan throat singing, Kendo, biology, guns, C'MON there's tons of crap out there. Do yourself a favor and pick a few things yer not into but think you could be and get into them. Just pick something, anything, that you're not that into and read about it! It ain't much work and there is plenty of shit yer missin' out on I promise. But, ok, so you will get into trouble for instance when your film buffness clashes with your car buffness...
"Good night."
The two most unfortunate words ever chosen on a program of ONLY fortunate word choices. If he had just managed to keep his huge mouth shut for two seconds and just DRIVEN for that last shot think of how great that whole segment would have been. Ah well, he gets paid to open his mouth and we all love him for it, water under the bridge Jezza, water under the bridge.
Now get back to not reading my blog you basterds!
This'll probly be long tho.
We are seriously poor after the trip to the US so we stayed home and watched TV tonight.
Background:
One of my favorite shows here are of the "Uncovered" British persuasion, "Ibiza Uncovered" especially. It's a reality show of drunken whatever-the-British-equivalent-of-white-trash-is tourists flashing their dicks and tits for an hour and basically fucking in the streets 'cause they are too drunk and horny to make it back to the hotel. And, yes, IT IS THE HOLY GRAIL OF REALITY TV.
P.S. the current name of the blog was inspired by an episode where two 40-something women ditched their husbands and 7 children for a week to go to Ibiza and try to find 18 year old boys drunk enough to "shag" them... And trust me, they succeeded. Anyway tonight we watched the heavily edited American equivalent like "Party Police" or some shit about drunken white trash at Lake Havasu in the US.
Observations that we made:
Young people in the US have such a messed up view of sexuality compared to the equivalent Brits. The Brits (boys AND girls) are totally realistic about it "Yeah I came here to screw a bunch of people, I'll make no bones about that. I'll probly only get lucky like three times this week but it won't be for lack of trying to score with EVERYONE." Like they all know exactly what is going on, no confusion. I'm sure there are plenty of Brits who don't want to only get drunk and fuck, but those are the boring ones so I don't care. Compare that to the Americans, who put on these ridiculous acts "Ohhh, I'm the good girl who likes to dance drrrty and flash ma tits all over, but I wouldn't mess with you (actually I'll mess with your dog if you give me one more beer)" and "Oh I'm the alpha male who likes to run my mouth and gets laid 8 times a day (except I've only seen a vagina once besides my moms and wouldn't know what to do with yours if you gave it to me on a silver platter)". No one actually comes out and says "I'm only here to get laid. Period." They all seem to have no idea what's going on or how to get what they want despite all wanting the same thing. It's like they are all playing some part in a terrible daytime UPN tween show where mentioning or showing anything even remotely resembling "the business" is strictly VERBOTEN.
There is one explanation for this: in the US party shows are heavily edited so the children don't learn how to act appropriately in drunken orgy style situations past what they have seen in wholly unrealistic Hollywood movies. In Britain the party shows are heavily unedited and the children understand early on that if they want to be drunken sluts for a couple years then just fuckin' do it and don't mess about or you'll blow yer chances. Plus you probly got about 68 more years to be all serious and lame and shit. Listen, this all made so much sense earlier that I could have written about 5 graduate theses on the subject. And that's not even touching on the (flaunted!) complete lawlessness of the British show and the authoritarian moralism of the American garbage (only two sets of tits, and both BLURRED). GOD I should just go back to school and be some pissant philosophy major. I could crank out about 6 degrees a year with this preternatural nogginizing! Masters, PHDs, whatev. They'd give up in about a year and just name the university after me.
END
Next topic:
The most recent episode of Top Gear:
Speaking of theses, if you've ever wanted to know how a battle of wits between Britain and the US would go, look no further than Jeremy Clarkson's conversation with Jay Leno. I'll give you a hint. Jay Leno: NOT. FUCKING. FUNNY... EVER. No matter how hard he tries. Jeremy Clarkson: doesn't try to be funny out of respect for Mr. Leno. STILL. FUCKING. FUNNY. There's so many research papers here I'm hyperventilating. And I haven't even mentioned Japan!!!!
C'mon! Overwrought? Sigh. Ok, maybe a little.
Top Gear.
If you don't agree that it is one of the best TV shows ever... I can understand your point of view. However, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND CAR CULTURE.
Bitch.
I urge you to educate yourself, because you are missing out. Look, one thing I realized in the US these past couple weeks; understanding lots of different cultures increases YO' PLEAZHA. Kinda like those ribbed condoms, or the dog-catchin' dad in "Friday" right? IT'S MAH PLEAZHA! Music, film, cars, video games, literature, anime... Those are just the obvious ones... Tibetan throat singing, Kendo, biology, guns, C'MON there's tons of crap out there. Do yourself a favor and pick a few things yer not into but think you could be and get into them. Just pick something, anything, that you're not that into and read about it! It ain't much work and there is plenty of shit yer missin' out on I promise. But, ok, so you will get into trouble for instance when your film buffness clashes with your car buffness...
"Good night."
The two most unfortunate words ever chosen on a program of ONLY fortunate word choices. If he had just managed to keep his huge mouth shut for two seconds and just DRIVEN for that last shot think of how great that whole segment would have been. Ah well, he gets paid to open his mouth and we all love him for it, water under the bridge Jezza, water under the bridge.
Now get back to not reading my blog you basterds!
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